Pretend Things.

The Contemplation of Fiction

Pretend tripping.  Pretend phone calls. 
Pretend stories.  Pretend boogers.
Pretend gang signals for your work-department or church or wife.
Pretend friends.  Pretend birthday spankings.
Pretend to pee on your lawn mower before you let your neighbor borrow it.
Pretend to throw you trash on the ground right in front of a trash can and cite that it is good for the economy.

Pretend the 'would you like cash-back' option at the check-out is actually free money.

The Answer to Your Next Question Is "YES".

Pretend to immediately put things onto FB.

Provide you Shoe-Size at the end of the verification process.

Pretend to be a First Responder when someone breaks a glass.

Pretend to have video taped something that would go viral if you had recorded it.

Re-enact funny things.

Rile 'em up on some crazy claim and then bet them -- a nickel.

Pretend you are pissed-off to the highest pisstivity.

Enough about me talking about my kids.  You talk about my kids.

Pretend to give people tomorrow off.

Answer the phone and say 'Good-news-only after 2 p.m.'

Pretend to be mad a others who have jumped on the band wagon recently.
It's pathetic because I have been following the Hawks for 14 or 15 ... weeks now. 
Since early, mid-2013.

Pretend Tattoos (with permanent marker).

Pretend to know the metric system.